Well, it says she’s 83 years old on her Myspace Page. She’s from New York but it doesn’t specify as to where. I’m guessing she’s not our normal blend of Bronxy or Brooklyny crappage. She’s got more of a Hamptons and Fire Island type of feel. That I like. It says that she’s all about the tan, drinking a ton and going out and having fun, maybe sucking some wang. Nothing wrong with sucking some wang.

Man that bikini is appetizing. Now that’s a perfect cover for the magazine “Barely Legal.”

Wow. I mean wow. Where did this girl come from? What a fucking find huh? WHERE is this girl? That guy on the bottom right….she’s gotta be at a beach house or something. I really need the address.

Again. What crowd is this? Where do these guys get off actually hanging out with her? Do these guys get to have sex with her? Is that possible? Did I miss the best years of my life? Am I simply dwindling here? Do I have to keep having loud, raucous family weekends with babies and whining and getting lost at outlet stores? Fuck me.

Each one of these pictures shrinks my dignity a little bit more.

Forwards, backwards, sideways…does it matter? God damnet.

Here she is! Irena, who can’t spell Irena. Actually she really just can’t spell at all. I figured I’d take the liberty of cutting and pasting the first portion of her Myspace Profile for all of you to see. Lovely isn’t it? She sure seems like a champ.

“steppp to my level bitcheesss.. can’t get thisss higgh cann ya?”“Female 18 years old go stalk someone elses life ….., New Jersey United StatesLast Login: My Penis Is In Her Mouth

Check out the Last Login section. Is this girl amazing or what? Ok, that was me. But everything else was legit.

She kind of goes in and out of being a blond. She should just probably go in and out, in and out, in and out.

Um, yeah. That’d be her slugging the 4 dollar bottle of wine right there. Nice red heels honey. Short skirt. It must have been hooker night. Actually no, it must have been a Tuesday, nothing to do, “let’s get trashed and work at the Petstore tomorrow” type of night.

Yup, that guy is cool.

That guy is even cooler.

What a fantastic family album. It’s like those black and whites you get at the amusement park! Man those guys are faggots.

I can tell that this girl would be an absolute blast to hang out with if I were very VERY drunk. I can picture this girl in her freshman year of college being THE girl to tell stories about. No, I don’t necessarily think she’s slutty or anything, I just like her. You could get this girl to chug 25 beers and do really funny shit. I don’t know, like rub jelly all over herself or something. Her myspace profile reminds me of how old I am.

I like the blond streaks. There’s something dirty about that. She might be a little flatchested though. No matter, the tan and cut little blue outfit makes up for it. Her friend however, is a bit busted.

High school. Yes, high school. “Can I go to hikes school?”

She’s tall, she’s got long legs. She’s clearly some kind of daddy’s little girl type. She’s the kind you want to take the virginity away from (assuming she’s a virgin which is quite unlikely, boo).

I’m not sure I understand what’s going on in this picture. My guess is that she and whoever else is in the room is taking a short break from playing spin-the-bottle. What is with this crew? They’re all 18. Shouldn’t they be on ecstasy and licking stuff?

Pink crap. Is this graduation? Is this girl into Hello Kitty and Little Mermaid? What the fuck? I’d love to be the guy who mushes her into the water here.

I’m having a very hard time finding these normal amateurish girls lately. The ones I like to exploit and make fun of. The ones that just have no clue who they are, what they want and what I’d do to them if I had them. So that brings me to a hot chick that’s just hot but with a twist. Word is, Leeann is legitimately into sports. Not in that annoying kind of way either. The way where chicks just ask you annoying questions and you want to puke. I’m talking she knows her stuff and actually likes sports. Her Myspace Profile is weak as far as pictures go so I had to snag from elsewhere.

And you know what? She’s ASIAN! Yay! I posted a non white chick! I’m not a racist! Yay for penises!

I really hate posting thumbnail pictures, but I like the tit tease picture, so just be a doll and click ok?

Did they block out her vagina here? No matter. That’s an excellent position. I hear it hurts the ladies actually. Kind of makes me want to do it more.

Yes Leeann. You ARE looking at me aren’t you. You DO want me to pleasure you down there don’t you? Sure. No problem. Just say when sweetheart.

Fucking thumbnails. Why is a smaller picture a thumbnail? Whatever, she’s really spreading her legs in this one.

This is amazing. I think almost any girl I post on here that isn’t from the New York, Tri-State area has girlfriends that make her look amazing. Jessica is hot, but not so incredibly hot. Her body is fabulous but once again (and you’ll see down below), I’d really hate to be a wingman while my buddy was trying to hit on her. I wish I could say dirty stuff about her but this one actually seems like a nice girl. At least that’s the vibe I get from her Myspace Profile. Of course she’s only 20 so I’d imagine she doesn’t know any better yet. This first picture I will equate to a JDate photo. Explanation below.

JDate or most any dating website is a great way to get ass. If you become a pro, which I was, you tend to pick up on the nuances VERY quickly. You get laid a ton by needy women looking for either dick or a husband. What you also pick up on is the amount of bullshit headline pictures. The girls most always look NOT EVEN CLOSE to as good in real life as in their pictures. Jessica is hot, but not this hot. P.S. I put an absolutely HORRIBLE picture of myself on JDate so I knew that when I went out the girl would get a better product than the picture.

Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, why the long face?”

Dude these 20 year old girls. It’s like they don’t even understand the way they dress. When does a girl hit the point of understanding that it’s not ok to look like you normally take it in the pooper? I swear this weekend I was on a train with high school girls who were ready to go out in the city. 3/4 looked like legitimate hookers.

“Come on man, take one for the team! She wants to go home with me. Just stick around and talk to her friends. Please?”………………..”Fuck you asshole.”

Is it me or does it look like these girls hired Jessica to come out with them in hopes that they could land some good looking guys, slip them roofies, and fully take advantage of their limp dicks?