She’s skinny. Very skinny. She’s blond. Naturally and very blond. She has little breasts. Her myspace profile just seems too “sweet.” And yet I’m drawn to her in a “Piper Perabo in Coyote Ugly” kind of way. She’s got this look where I’d kind of do anything to make her happy. I feel like she’s the type that gets away with speeding tickets left and right because she gives the cop some cute look. She can manipulate without even manipulating. And yet I feel like there’s a dirty side to her. She’s easily in the Jenna Haze and Taylor Rain categories as far as skinny, frail pornstars that could really perform when necessary. While she’s not actually a pornstar, I can still have dreams can’t I?

You see what I’m talking about right here? Sure it’s a modeling shot but look at the potential. Imagine the kind of damage you could do to her. I mean she must weigh under 100 lbs. That means a lot of acrobatics. Maybe some swings, lots of standing up, the whole drill.

Look, all I’m saying is that their genitals look pretty lined up from my view.

And what might you be looking at?

That picture makes me want to have a two headed penis.

“I am in an incredible relationship with my soulmate, so if you are reading this for any other purpose other than networking, don’t bother. I use myspace for advancing my career only.” Really? You could have fooled me Dalene. I thought the purpose of your profile was making it available for me to comment on. And with that I will say that this picture represents how far a tan and some wet spray can take you in life. I’ve seen her other pictures. In all honesty she’s really just average. But haven’t all of us New Yorkers been to Fire Island? The land of 5’s that miraculously turn to 7’s when we get our alcohol on. Honestly? That’s all you need friends. Case in point right here.

Same girl. Different hair color. She’s got some remainder from her umbilical chord that was bronzed. How nice. This picture is a little too “I want to be Carmen Electra or some other type of celebrity.” Whatever, I’d Rodman that ass.

Can we see nipple there? That’s about as far as I’ll go on here. What an inviting picture eh? That necklace has got to go though. I’d rather her be wearing heels that were visible. What is it about heels? Why do heels give off a sex vibe? I’ll never understand. I suppose they look better than a corned up, bunyon filled foot.

The Borat Shot.

The mouth slightly open and the bikini slightly coming off. Wonderful use of photography right there. Makes me want to tie her up and just kind of stare at her for a while.

Some people may have heard of her but I sure as hell didn’t. You see? That’s why we have Myspace Profiles ladies and gentlemen…so I can come across them and give my full, honest, and accurate assessment of its personnel. Here’s something I love. When you try and click on pictures in a profile and it says “User has set pictures to private,” and yet they have about 5000 pictures scattered across the page. Brittany, you and all girls who do this are idiots. Just fucking post an album so us perverts can exploit you a bit more. Jesus, how tough is that?

Haven’t seen these small bikini shots in a while. I’m kind of upset I haven’t been posting more of them. I’m kind of upset at how annoyingly attractive this McGraw broad is. I’m kind of upset that I have to post pictures of hot girls all day and come home and jerk off. I’m kind of upset. I’m just kind.

Any post without an Oompa Loompa is simply not complete.

Any post that has a chance to reveal a picture with a complete douchewhistle and a hot girl in it and doesn’t actually make it to the website is a total violation of this website. On a sidenote: This guy right here has a mother and she might actually be proud of him for whatever kind of gay things he’s up to these days.

I think the last thing I’d want to do given the nature of this picture is actually have to put in the time to listen to these ladies speak for more than 10 minutes.

“NAMES JESS, PEOPLE ARE S0 HYPOCRYTICAL, AND UNFORTUNANTLY GOD GRACED TO0 MANY PEOPLE WITH AN OVERSIZED GAP IN THEIR FACE” -
Whatever the fuck that means. All I know is that this goes on for the entire page.

She’s got kind of a bitchy from Jersey type of profile. There’s a lot of “me and my girls!” type of pictures and a lot of the tough girl faces. The ones with the lips all smushed together. However, being from NY, my theory is that any girl outside of New York is probably nicer than a girl from NY so by that rationale I’d like to watch this girl take her clothes off. By that same token, I’d also like to see her get treated like crap for about 10 minutes because you know she’s played with many a guys emotions in her young age. And she doesn’t even realize it yet. Shame Shame.

I know this picture doesn’t come in that clear but come on kiddies! This body is so unbelievably tight. You know what this reminds me of? Nicole Eggert in the movie “Blown Away.” How fucking hot was she in that? Seductive young temptress in a love triangle with the two Coreys. Cinema doesn’t get much better than that.

No comment Cheech. You are one lucky Son of a Bitch.

I just kind of like this shot. Sue me. It’s breath taking.

Would it be possible to ever say “No” to this girl? I’d say pretty much “No.”

What the hell has gotten into me? Two blonds in a row? Am I turning? No, not even close but I couldn’t pass up Lena’s Myspace Profile. I also couldn’t pass up posting a school girl uniform picture. I mean come on. This could be one of the best pictures that’s shown the least skin that I’ve ever seen. She really needs to get on My First Sex Teacher, like immediately. I also really need to have goals and a purpose in life, like immediately.

Now that’s just hot. Period. How much do you want to have sex with that bong? Incredible.

Back to school. I felt another was worth putting up here. Classic toes pointing downward giving off that “oops I’m really young and innocent, can you help me tie my shoes?” kind of look. Either that or, “I’m completely about to get gagged by Max Hardcore.”

There are no words to describe how horned up this picture makes me. Can you imagine lifting up her skirt and just going to work back there? Estimated time to completion: 1.2 seconds after insertion.

Fat guy in the background. Nuff said.