Here’s why I feel good when I read these: Because despite how hot she is, I couldn’t spend more than 5 minutes with her and that makes me feel better about me which is what really matters. This excerpt is from her Myspace Profile. I hate hate hate fake ass people and that’s all I’ve met down here. I also love how everyone in Miami drives a BMW or a Benz, but their apartment is a piece of crap!!! But anyways…enough about that and more about me..my family and my best friends are the most important people in life. I will do anything and everything for them!! They’re my support system, and they always encourage me to do BIG things. One thing you need to know about me is that when I say I’m gonna do something..Ima do it..I don’t care how long it takes..but ima do it..I am a very driven and hardworking and independent individual..I do everything myself and I get everything myself. But remember what I said..if I wanna do something..I’m gonna do it..so when I tell you that you’re gonna see my face on the big screen..ur gonna see it..So remember my face..cuz you’re gonna start seeing a lot more of it whether you like it or not : ) But enough about me..if you have any other questions or want to know anything else..just send me a message..and please stop asking me if my boob are real because they ARE!!!!

You kind of lost me at I hate. The only response I can think of after reading that is…..Just lick your tits and play with yourself honey.

Perhaps the best bikini shot I’ve ever seen in my entire life after puberty and realizing that jerking off was an option.

This is her at the playboy mansion with one of the bunnies. I think the bunny is better looking but I’d bang Shelly in a heartbeat over her partner. Of course just seeing their boobalas touching makes this picture all the rage. Dude what’s with the small TV and crap cable box on top? Hef is really stiffing these broads. I’ll bet that door locks from the outside too.

What the hell would you say if this girl just walked up to you and introduced herself? Is it even remotely possible to look at her face the whole time? I think I’d be like “Hey I’m Brock……nice little star you got there.” Then the small talk would ensue but I’d say within ten minutes after her trying to get me to understand the “real” her I might be inclined to say something like “I swear to God if you let me titty fuck you I will give you a quarter.”

Sand Ass. I should make a website called sandass.com to focus on these shots only.

There’s just this vibe I get when I look at her (other than my wiggling pants). It’s not quite a Ginger Lynn feeling but I think the heavy makeup, the blond hair and the unnecessary amount of lipstick on her give off a big whiff of Ron Jeremy, Peter North in his prime, and of course Randy West scenes that loop over and over to make the clip last 20 minutes. Her Myspace Profile is probably some kind of advertisement for her modeling career but I have different ideas. Get Vivid on the phone and set up a screening. This girl could probably suck a “golf ball through a garden hose.” (You guys should know that quote, if not check out the movie profile and you’ll feel like an idiot)

I’m nearly speechless at how much I like that bathing suit. Yes, you need that kind of ass to fit it in, but once you got that you are so fucking golden. What an inviting look on her face too. “Just lift it up a tad and you’ll have full access….after you take me to dinner and buy me shit.”

I’m really having a difficult time writing here. See that black shadow triangle at the vagina area? You may not have noticed that until I pointed it out. Now you’re going to look for as long as I’ve been looking and you will hope for as long as I’ve been hoping. That is truly just silly. Absolutely silly.

Funny, she’s more nude in this picture than the other two and yet I like the first two pictures better. What if she has major silver dollar nipples under there? Man what a huge disappointment that would be.

Queue up the 80’s music and enter “The Hedgehog.” He’ll show his funny antics and of course, penis that has kept that mug in the industry and banging hot women for more years than most men will ever see. Ron Jeremy, every man’s dream.

Eh, I think I’m commented out.

Nope that’s not a typo, at least from my end it isn’t. It’s nice to know these girls take such care when inventing creative slogans for their myspace profiles. In any event I’m not sure if you folks have ever visited Sports By Brooks….If you have, you will notice that this guy has an affinity for attractive busty girls to promote his site/business. Well, it certainly isn’t a surprise that in my honest opinion if Brooks and I ever met we’d get along splendidly. Brit, to me, is one of his hotter models and I’m honored to have her up here today. I’m sure she’ll feel honored as well after I get done with this layout.

She’s got kind of a nose and eyebrow thing going on there but I think it’s safe to say that both myself and you the reader wouldn’t be paying much attention to that eh? Pool cue! Let’s have some fun with the pool cue. “Got any balls down there? About the biggest pair you’ve ever seen dingleberry.”

Chick on the right is a little mannish but whatever. Slap on a strap on and I’d be very into it.

The reason I like this picture is because Brit put the caption “Cunttt” under it. I don’t know why but thanks for the help Brit.

That reminds me a lot of Denise Milani. Bags of Fun. Funbags if you will.

I’d love to draw a face on each of those cheeks. They could easily be Mr. Potato heads if I had the right stick em pieces.

Yup. Sure. Have you guys seen this stuff on myspace? Well, Sonja’s Profile is one of about a gazillion profiles that contains this quote. So basically you’re telling me there’s this underground lesbian club that’s just full of adventurous, incredibly hot, well bodied, freaks? No, lesbians are mannish, do manly things, practically have facial hair and buzzcuts. They talk in a low voice. You see, in the real world, lesbians don’t look like Sonja here. But we, as men (and women) can keep dreaming for this utopia.

Ok so she doesn’t have big breasts. Alrighty then, she isn’t the prettiest of the bunch (although she’s quite good looking). A few things: Her Tan, her body being “natural” looking and three, she’s not American. Let’s keep the 3rd one in mind. This girl might even be a German Goo Girl (site is disgusting, just a warning) for all I know. Wow, the sick shit those gals do. Makes me thank the heavens that there might be a God.

That’s what they do in Europe, didn’t you know that? That’s actually a shot after Sunday mass. Fucked up man.

Jesus Christ. Man is that a jerk off worthy leg shot if I ever saw one. None will ever compare to Stealth Icon but this is pretty close.

I know. I know. You’re thinking it’s cool that a chick drinks a glass of beer that big. It’s urine though. And some of you sick fucks are turned on by that aren’t you?

Hi! Look at my Tushy! You can put things in it if you’d like!

I’ve seen some hot girls in my day, I really have. However, one thing that amazes me about the human species is that quite often there’s always a new one that shocks the system. Just as there are amazing athletes that come around once every 20 years, the beauty about women is that a new one comes along nearly every day. Well, here we have Jennifer. This girl is simply sensational. She’s not a model. I haven’t seen her in any “club” photos. There are no logos on any of the pictures. She’s just a homegrown, gorgeous, perfect amateur. Not one picture in her myspace profile does her any justice. Not a one.

Funny because this picture does her no justice either. Although I do like pajama parties.

You guys probably thought she was this skinny cute thing from the first picture right? HA! Look at those guns! Look at em. And they’re so nice too, you know? Look at that cute little smile. “Hey guys, come on in, the water’s warm!”

And yes, she has a wild side. Yes, she does that bend over pose with her tits so well. Yes, she even wears push up bras even though she clearly does not need to. Yes she has a perfect tan. Is there anything she can’t do? Nope.