Other than her being Playboy’s Cybergirl of the month in January of 2007, if it weren’t for her Myspace Profile I’d have never heard of this girl. I scoured the internet for more pictures of her and they all relate to Playboy hence I think she’s kind of off the radar right now. I’m hoping this little review, while it may simply focus on my pathetic desires for her smooth skin and perky boobies to be in my face, will get Kortnie back in the spotlight and onto the screen or rather triple X screen. Isn’t that a name for porn though? Kortnie O’Connor? Especially the “K” in Kortnie and the “Oh, Oh, Oh face” in O’Connor. Jesus that last sentence couldn’t have been more gay if I tried. Whatever, she’s cute.

Here’s what we know about Kortnie from her profile: “I love Shopping, Good Wine, Good Sushi, Traveling, Working out, Dancing, Drinking, Playing with my Dog Chanel, Kickboxing, Snowboarding, Wakeboarding, Playing Golf, Doing anything that involves water. Also Hanging out with the people I love!” Is anyone else really happy that they just read that or would you rather just see her little tushy some more? Yes that is what I figured. So she loves hanging out with people she loves. Makes sense.

Something about this photo clicks. And no it’s not just her being really cute in a towel. That’s too obvious. It’s a color scheme kind of thing. The wood almost matches her skin. The positioning of her foot is also quite lovely. There’s also something very average about this girl that I kind of like. She seems very pick upable. I’m guessing her in the morning without makeup and Playboy’s photoshop technicians, that she isn’t so impressive in real life. But that’s fine. I dig her.

Now who the hell is THAT chick on the cover? As soon as I find out, and pending a Myspace profile, she’s getting her ass right on this site pronto. It’s certainly not Stacy Dash. If it is, then Stacy’s had quite a bit of work done. I can’t quite make out what issue that is. Perhaps it’s the January 2007 issue that Kortnie is featured in? I’ll let you all do the homework and get back to me on this cover girl. Thanks.

She looks so frail and inviting right there. Bye!

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Look man, she can claim whatever the hell she wants to claim. She can even write things like “I wish everyone could just love eachother, life is beautiful” in her Myspace Profile. However, let us get one thing straight. There’s nothing peaceful or calm about this woman’s looks and her body. In fact, everything about her speaks at quite a high volume. And the fact that there is zero evidence of “peace” being her profession I’ll just take it that she practices this in her spare time. As much as I’d love to be the guy who looks past her features and sees her inner beauty, calls her “beautiful” as you’ll see she requests, I’ll always be that guy who looks at her at a bar and thinks “fuck an A, can’t I have sex with a girl like that just once god damnet?”

Theres not much to say. I love everyone. I believe in Love. I believe in God. I love my family and friends. I don’t ever wanna grow up. ALWAYS STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN … EVEN IF YOUR STANDING ALONE… “Wait for the man who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep…Wait for the man who pursues you, who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to the world when you’re in sweats, who thinks you’re the prettiest when you have on no makeup, and who wants to hold you everynight…Wait for the man who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.. the one who turns to his friends and says…Thats her” NEVER GIVE UP ON A DREAM BECAUSE OF THE LENGTH OF TIME IT WILL TAKE TO ACCOMPLISH. THE GREATEST PEOPLE ON EARTH HAVE STRUGGLED. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT THEY

Alrighty then. Now I know what I have to do. P.S. if I tried this in a club she might slap me in the face.

Very peaceful! Lots of love in this picture. Look Crystal, I love ya babe. I’m truly a jealous hump. The guy that does get to kiss you goodnight and rub your belly truly does have a nice gig. At least after you have to wash all of these guy’s drool off of you first. Man is Crystal hot. Jesus.

And who is this little lady next to you? This must be Crystal’s spiritual adviser. She is equally firm in her beliefs in peace, being natural, and paying 10 grand for tits.

This picture just has too many possibilities.

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Rarely do we get a woman over the age of 25 on here so credit must be given to 30 year-old Jennifer . This is what I love about Myspace. Do you think I had a clue who Jennifer Walcott was? Was I rummaging through old Playboys? Not a chance as I’m a hardcore kind of a guy. But if it weren’t for me landing on Jennifer’s Myspace Profile I’d have never known about her. I’d never know that she still tries. That she’s still striving to make it in this world. That she parties in Vegas and go go dances shaking her ta’s for all of us. That one day, with luck and good fortune she’ll land in the Ron Jeremy archives and plaster it (pun intended) all over her website.

According to Jennifer, “THE BEST REVENGE IS SUCCESS!!!!!- – If you want something you’ve never had; then you have to do something you’ve never done.” Imagine the possibilities of doing some things you’ve never done Jennifer. I better just keep my mouth shut on this one right? What, did you think I’d say something mean? Never done? I don’t know. How about doing a USO show for our boys in Iraq, “Apocolypse Now” style? That would be pretty tight.

You fellas know how I like those leg shots. You know what else though? I even dig her feet man. Are her feet big though? I can’t tell. I’d play the little piggy game as much as I could with her though. So cute! So fun! This little pinky toe got jam on it and I sucked it off. This little big toe teased the head of my wee wee. This little toe….Man I’m a real louse.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I’m talking about right there. Many many points for that one. That and the shine she’s got from a slight sweat. Excellent picture.

Jennifer you’re such a meany! I’m 90 times more in love with this woman now.

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Lets us get something straight right here and right now. I do NOT, will not, and have not ever thought that this woman was all that great looking. In fact, without make up on I can’t even see how she’d even be remotely attractive. However, there are some factors here to consider when analyzing my decision to put her up here. Exhibit A and B are breasts 1 and 2. Enough said there. Secondly, she has the balls to call herself “Princess Bitch.” While that means I could never be in a relationship with her, the attitude that it takes to actually give yourself that name automatically means amazing sex. Even if the sex were plain and ordinary it’d still be amazing because the whole time you’d be thinking she was a bitch. Thirdly, she says she’s bi. Works for me. Did I mention Exhibits A and B? Her Myspace Profile isn’t much to gawk at but I like the dirtiness.

I’ve never really bothered to analyze the allure of women and cars. I just don’t really understand. Perhaps it’s because you never see a woman fully clothed posing next to a car. You take this same girl right here, slap on a flannel shirt and some jeans and I’m probably not that excited. However, 99% of the time they’re wearing a thong and a bikini that is 3 sizes too small. Oh yes, and clear heels. Moral of the story is that you just put a 75% naked chick next to anything and you’re doing alright. Would love to see her posing in front of a tricycle. That’d be hot.

The word “gook” comes to mind when I look at the amount of eye make up right there. However, tell me you wouldn’t want to be behind her, really start sweating it up and seeing the “gook” drip down her face because you are successfully doing your business. She reminds me of a young Tammie Faye Baker. Isn’t her bikini one of those back massagers?

Can I borrow your handkerchief?

I think my favorite part of this picture is the black boots. I tell ya they’ve come a long way with what makes a woman look more sexy. It was those high, clear stiletto heels for a good 20 years. And they still do that. However, I’m a huge fan of the frilly big boots. Who comes up with this stuff?

In case you might have wondered who the hell graced my logo all this time, your wonders can be put to rest. It is she, Candice Michelle, the original GoDaddy girl who sits atop these pages and makes sure I’m doing my job. According to her Myspace Profile her name is now Candice Michelle Beckman? Who is this Beckman guy? I guess I was just too busy looking at her playboy spread to find out. Prediction? Within 2 years Candice Michelle will not be known as the GoDaddy girl or the new WWE Diva. Nope. She’ll be known as the logo on the ever so famous Hottest Girls of Myspace website. Damned straight.

Handcuffs and wrestling with other women? Well, I think normally I’d approve of this activity (and don’t get me wrong I do) but when I first saw her in that GoDaddy commercial from the Superbowl I was completely obsessed. And while I won’t post bad pictures here, I feel like she’s gone a little downhill. Please don’t mistake that for the fact that if she even touched my leg I’d probably jizz in about 5 seconds. It’s just that back in her GoDaddy days it would have been 1 second, tops. Don’t worry Candice, you’re still golden in my book. Says she’s only 29 but she looks much older that that.

Hi there Candice. How are ya? She looks demonic right there. I’d sell my soul for 15 minutes in hell with her.

This picture rules, period. There’s a fair amount of stuff on her website but I will say be prepared for very gay soothing music and moving images when you put your cursor over them. I don’t get it. Just go with it though. Can you imagine walking into a car and seeing that woman looking at you? Wow. I think I could recharge at least 6 times in an hour with her.

Dear Candice Michelle,

I just want you to know that you will always have a place her at Hottest Girls of Myspace. I know Jessica Burciaga has been knocking on my door to take that logo spot away from you. Fear not, you were my selection and you will remain my selection.

Love,

Brock