If it weren’t for her Myspace Profile I’d have completely forgotten about Antonella Barba. Back when “American Idol” was a reasonable show we were blessed with this cute Italian teen who could somewhat sing. But once those pictures leaked, singing was pretty damned secondary…as it should have been and should be now. Don’t get me wrong here. I completely support someone for sticking to their guns and pursuing a dream, but I’m telling you right now that Antonella is going to regret not cashing in when she had the chance. And now? How much later are we? Has it been 2 years? 3? If she winds up doing a Playboy shoot or something it might end up being short lived. Too bad.

Seriously though, how fucking awesome was this chick? She is the perfect, thin girl, Italian background, dad is VERY scared to let her leave the house, seductive Eva Mendesish looking type one would get obsessed with in high school, getting away with anything and teachers not caring, semi talented vixen. Plus she was always the hottest girl in her group. Were there any hot girls in her group? No. That tells me that at least she is a real girl, who drinks for real, parties for real, and probably gets down for real. We must not forget about our Antonella Barba’s out there. They are the ones who should be on that Red Carpet.

I mean you just can’t teach looks like that. She’s purely uncoached and it’s incredible. While I can see she’s being intentional here, I guarantee there have been so many unbelievably unintentional hot moments in her teen career. My pimply skinny ass wouldn’t have been able to contain myself back in the day if a girl like this were strutting around. That’s why I dig Antonella. There’s a very real quality about her. And once you know that, and once they show an erotic side? It’s like kryptonite for even the strongest willed “I don’t care about these bitches” type of guy.

There are two ways of looking at this picture. One, the good way. That is the way of “damn, this chick is in underwear and a tarheels jersey not to mention the potential cameltoe action.” The bad way? It looks like she just shat a basketball.

No Antonella. This is actually what your potential career is saying to you. Sorry honey, you missed the boat.

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Um. Yeah. Take a look at that. Thanks.

Here are the links:

Ashlee Simpson does crappy impression - Drunkenstepfather

Now that’s some fast climbing - Flabber

Playboy’s New Social Network - COED Magazine

Jenna Jameson’s Fun Side - Attuworld (NSFW)

MILF Fighting at a Basketball Game - Busted Coverage

Sofia Vergara Bustin’ Out - Dirty Rotten

Hilarious Science Fair Photos - Holy Taco

Life is tough for the Wizards - Macgsworld

There’s a Dick that’s dancing - Losers with Socks

Top Ten Reasons Barry Bonds Might Play in Japan - Epic Carnival

Drunk Driver does not care for wheels - Tasty Booze

Morning Wood - Brahsome

There’s always time for upskirts - Bright Black Internet (NSFW)

So here’s another classic case of celebrities just not holding water in my opinion. You see, on all these crazy shows like “E!” and “Access Hollywood” they always have these “red carpet” type features. Their analysts talk about how gorgeous some of these ladies look. Don’t get me wrong I think Uma Thurman has nice boobs and looks decent in some movies. Marcia Cross? I mean come on. Sandra Oh? Stop saying these women are gorgeous. What is alluring about these women is their talent as actresses (not even that sure about their talent anyway) and THAT’s why we want to bang them: because they’re famous. Why do I bring this up? Because Vanessa Demira is one of about a million women who you’ll see on Maxim, at a car road show, in a bar, wherever, that just blow 99% of female celebrities out there away. I will admit that Vanessa’s Myspace Profile is a bit crappy, but that’s not why she isn’t famous yet.

So what is it that makes a celebrity famous? Luck? Timing? Talent? I think it’s all of the above. More importantly, what’s keeping girls like Vanessa DeMira from being more famous than they currently are? Bad Luck? Lack of timing? Lack of talent? I suppose it’s also all of the above. I also assume that some of these women just don’t have any drive or desire. Vanessa’s been in Maxim and FHM. Don’t get me wrong these are big media outlets but what does she want? Alright that’s enough of this. I know what I want. To see Vanessa taking it, and taking it hard.

This picture for example? Would be much better if there was a lot more water involved. That and another woman or possibly two women and a man. She’s got the kind of body where you’d expect small boobs but in actuality she’s got big boobs, really big boobs for that frame. That’s when life is pretty good.

I don’t care how much makeup she’s wearing, you can see bags in those eyes. There’s mischief in those eyes. There’s something dirty going on here. Perhaps a drug break in the bathroom or pole dance the night before. Something’s afoot. And I love to use the word afoot.

I think that quote says enough.

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I honestly don’t know how to react here but I just had to post this. If this is in any way a real picture I will have huge regrets for posting it but since I’m 99% sure it is totally staged…wow.

Here are the links:

Megan Fox Actually Sleeps with Brian Austin - Drunkenstepfather

You have to see this..it’s pretty funny - Flabber

Ordinary People in Unordinary Pictures - Attuworld

People were into anal in January - Holy Taco

Computer Games are Affecting Marriages - COED Magazine

Unseen Photos of Terrell Suggs fight - Busted Coverage

Calipari and Free Throws - Losers With Socks

No one fuck with Jimmy Kimmel - Brahsome

Poker Poon is always victorious - Poon of the SEC

Elmo Dolls Are Slowly Taking Over - On205th

Vida Guerra Poses for Lowrider Magazine - Dirty Rotten Whore

News from the ‘Roid Report - Epic Carnival

Our Logo, Candice Michelle - Tasty Booze

Proof of a Gay Roommate - Blog of Hilarity

A Very Tall Asian Woman - Bright Black Internet

Christina Milian Goes Cleavey - Paul’s World

There’s been some buzz going around about Federica Ridolfi lately. She’s been featured on a few blogs including Hollywood Tuna and over at my boy Hottie Hunter’s site. I felt it appropriate to find out whether or not she had a Myspace Page. As you can see, the words “Myspace Page” are highlighted blue thus having a link attached to her page. And if you click that little link you will notice that her page blows. I mean usually I try and take a little something from the page to enhance my articles. Here? Nothing. Just a bunch of her fake friends on there and comments from people saying “Federica, You’re so hot!” Boy is that boring. No drunk pictures, nothing. If she’s going to be in the limelight the least Federica can do is spice up that profile. That said, look at her. It’s pretty ridiculous.

That’s the closest thing to a personal shot that I have. Most girls look better in modeling pictures for obvious reasons. Great lighting, computers to remove wrinkles, fat, what have you. But once in a while you find that rare girl who actually looks better without all the fancy technological enhancements. Federica is the perfect type who’d look great in a tank top and boxer shorts with no make up on. And if we added a couple of girls, makeup, fancy lighting and computers to remove wrinkles, fat, what have you it would be even better. Wait, what? Just put her in a lesbian scene OK?

By the way, how in the world does this girl not have her own website? The closest thing I found was her IMDB page. I’m suprised she’s 34 years old. It says that she’s a dancer in various Italian TV shows. You see? It’s just another example of a ridiculously hot girl who just doesn’t have the right direction. I will always point to Tila Tequila. Just get a little crazy Federica! Pretend to be bisexual. You already have the tattoos. Show some more skin, punch some dudes in the face and get out there. I’m sure the public would much rather see you with your own show than Tila. And now, “Nice to meet ya Federica!”

Can you imagine working out with her? Bending, stretching, sweating. If I were her I’d only hire one kind of trainer: a gay trainer. Any self respecting heterosexual male would not be able to contain himself seeing her perched on a bench like this. And I’m convinced that even a heterosexual woman trainer would eventually turn lesbian with enough sessions with Federica. So again, gay male trainer.

Good lord.

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