I’ll be the first to admit it. I don’t think Amanda Beard is all that attractive. I could share some pretty assy pictures of her. However, I will say this. When she’s done up, airbrushed and has just the right amount of moisture on her skin, she looks damned good. Granted if you ran into her on the street and saw her with no makeup I guarantee you’d think she was pretty nasty….however that’s really not important in our world. Our world isn’t real. Our world consists of the beautiful “unreal.” The world where we actually think we’ll have anal sex with Olympic Swimmers. Am I wrong?

The Best of Today

Amanda Beard Hits the Top 25 – COED Magazine

Super Slow Motion Bitch Slap – Attuworld

Dick Enberg is a Horny Bastard – Busted Coverage

Victoria’s Secret Bikini Time – Dirty Rotten

This Chick Gets Around With Celebs – Don Chavez

Intro to Emma Balfour in a Bikini – Drunkenstepfather

Women Hate These 50 Words – Holy Taco

This QB Has Cock Trouble – Loser with Socks

What’s up with Kristie Lee Cook? – Tasty Booze

Annoying People at the Office – Next Round

A Funny Tricycle Accident – On205th

McCants is a Stud – Brahsome

Dumb Woman Joke – BBI

Whoopi Love Britney – Bitten and Bound

Might be a bad year in the MLB – Epic Carnival

Danneel Harris. How about that? First it’s Sophia Bush, who is an obvious choice, but now there’s this Danneel Harris girl we have to contend with. I’ve never watched the show “One Tree Hill” but from these pictures I’ve seen, the red headed Harris shows a nice amount of skin. And it’s some pretty nice skin if I do say so. Nice enough that I’m writing an article based on the fact that she was accessible through Myspace. Would have been nice to find some personal pictures but I don’t think you guys will mind the ones I’m providing in this article.

On and by the way, she plays a high school girl? You gotta love that. She’s 28 years old. I know that’s typical for actors these days, but some of these pictures I’m looking at? I mean come on. With all due respect she’s definitely got a “woman” quality to her. The red hair thing is such an amazing plus. Aside from Angie Everheart, I just don’t see many women with red hair who are this hot these days.

These screen shot pictures aren’t normally my style but I can’t help it here. Powder blue is just a great color for her. I’m pretty sure nothing like this ever happened when I went to high school. Would have been nice if a hot 17 year old just decided to take off her shirt in the middle of class. I assume she did this to prove a point? What point I couldn’t tell you.

Best part of this picture other than the stuff animals? The door is open. Such realism in these CW shows you know? What’s to stop this network from going soft porn. Ratings would go through the roof.

She is ridiculously good looking.

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I’m a Yankees fan. I’ve been a Yankees fan my whole life. In all honesty I liked the Yankees better when they sucked and had Dave Winfield (my all time favorite player) and Don Mattingly. Don’t get me wrong. I still root for the team. I’m definitely a Derek Jeter fan. He’s a gamer, no question about it. Can’t say I approve of A-Rod being married to a man and taking cutesy topless pictures in the park. But you know what? Despite all the money and the team being so far removed from anything resembling those winning teams we knew and loved from what seems like centuries ago…..Fuck it. Let the Captain get his sun. Guy can do whatever he wants. He’ll be getting more ass than all of us.

The Best of Today

The Captain Needs His Sun – Don Chavez

Tara Reid is learning to talk drunk – Drunkenstepfather

Top Five Hockey Crowd Fights – Busted Coverage

Simona Fusco Stratten Has Earned This Honor – COED Magazine

Kristen Davis Seems to Bare all here – Attuworld (NSFW)

Just Wait and You’ll Love the Ending – Flabber

Bill Belicheck isn’t A Sexual? Wow – Holy Taco

Denise Richards Wearing Red – Dirty Rotten

A Tyler Smith Video – Loser With Socks

A Nice Madness Weekend Recap – Next Round

The UCLA Underwear Run – Tasty Booze

Never Enough Sofia Vergara – On205th

When Britney was Hot – BBI

Very Wild Spring Break Video – Bitten and Bound

Mark Cuban is starting to lose it – Epic Carnival

Ladies and gentlemen,

Since I’ve been coined the “internet girl king” by many of my cohorts and pretty much myself, I figured that I’d start bringing even more women to you. I don’t know where, I don’t know how I’ll find them, but I will. And every so often, hopefully as much as possible, I’ll be bringing you a new segment of “The Next Mrs. Landers.” Today I bring you Simona Fusco Stratten. I’d also like to thank Hollywood Tuna for bringing her to my attention. Not much is known about this Italian, ready to explode in the U.S actress but I got this tidbit from her website. “Born in Milan, Italy, Simona grew up in both Italy and Vienna, Austria. At the age of 14 she moved to the United States where her first “Hollywood moment” was when director Oliver Stone approached her to play the title role in LOLITA — which her mother refused to let her do because of the subject matter.” I mean there’s not much else to be said is there? Dominique Swayne got that role if I’m not mistaken. I think it’s safe to say Simona would have fit in splendidly and that she’d also make a fine Mrs. Landers.

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And I say the word “power” simply because this woman is the genuine article. You see some women come and go in the adult film world. And then you see some women who just tough it out scene after scene and film after film. Tory encompasses all of the things I for one love about this particular profession. She seems like she’s completely into every scene. She’s loud and aggressive as hell. She’s extremely sloppy in the best of ways. She goes the distance in terms of acts performed. We’re talking multiple orifices, multiple facials, two in one’s, three in one’s, you name it, she’s done it. You know what Tory is like? She’s the modern day Ashlyn Gere. Ashlyn had a better face but no one, I mean no one looked more into her scenes than Ashlyn. And good for me, Tory has a Myspace Profile. And yes, here’s a link to some of her work.

You know what’s great about this picture? It’s the simplistic and obvious nature of it. Other than the little “Wicked Pictures” logo on the bottom. Is there really any other scenario than these three winding up in a threesome? I mean is there any remote possibility that this picture could be from a bridal magazine? Home decor? It’s just so incredible how ingrained we are with porn that a picture like this is just such a sure fire signal that Tory is going to wind up being doubly penetrated and kind of gooey at the end. You just have to love America.

Alright so here’s Tory out and about right? It’s not so much that she’s incredibly hot and busty, which she is. It’s that I want you to imagine you’re in a bar. You see a woman like this getting hammered, yacking it up, dancing, etc etc. You then try and do some diligence on her and low and behold find out that she fucked like 8 dudes that day. Seriously, how awesome is that? I gotta find her agent and get her to dance at my bachelor party.

Then there’s this guy. Are you kidding me? What a douche.

I’m sorry but when I look at this picture this is what I think: “Could there possibly be a girl that looks like she does about 30 lines of coke a night more than this girl?” I mean Jesus.

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