Jessica is in the middle

Granted Jessica doesn’t have one of those drop dead faces I must hand it to the implants and genes Gods on this body. Are you kidding me? And you know what? You can tell from her Myspace Profile that Jessica Canizales has a pretty decent life.

It’s evident she’s does a lot of Las Vegas type of stuff. OK Jesus Christ, can we just talk about her body some more? I would love to eat off of it. Can I just cook some eggs and bacon on there please?

Are you serious with this ass? How the hell do women get like this? Is this a joke? It’s a good thing I’m in a decent mood otherwise I’d be talking tons of trash about the steroid tattoo douchefaces I see her with.

In other news, these steroid douches are the ones who get to bang Jessica and I’m the one who gets to complain about sitting at this computer. That’s life.

This is Peta Todd.

So yesterday I got to play whiffle ball on the lower east side. I saw a guy do an ollie over a garbage can and some extremely hot weird Bohemian chicks walking by. It’s a strange place this city of New York. One block you’re in yuppie ville and the next it’s tight jeans and Elvis Costello glasses. I’d rather bang Peta Todd.

Today’s Twenty

Peta Todd has even bigger breasts than my photo alludes to – [Doubleviking]

Who’s gonna win? Myspace Girl or Audrina Partridge? – [Tastybooze]

Charisma Carpenter is yesterday’s Daily Snapshot – [COED Magazine]

Tackling a nude streaker must be a horrible job – [Busted Coverage]

Kim Kardashian showing off some of that cleavage – [Dirty Rotten]

Alyssa Milano how we like her..naked – [Drunkenstepfather] (NSFW)

Do we need to tell you how hot Jennifer Ellison is? – [Holy Taco]

I’m gonna go with hot for Lisa Angeline – [Don Chavez]

Florencia Torrette in Gabo Magazine – [Cameltap]

Tides have turned: Woman whistles at construction workers – [Asylum]

The Favorites to win Miss Universe 2008 – [Cuzoogle]

Pretty sad when you’re an adult and you think wrestling is real – [Blog of Hilarity]

Even when she’s shopping Audrina Partridge is amazing – [NS4W]

Robin Meade makes the Hump Day list – [Next Round]

Cyber Playmate of the Year doing her exercises – [Brahsome]

A great gallery of women in rude and offensive T-Shirts – [Bright Black Internet]

Startling news from the Big Brown camp – [Flatusyahu]

Nothing beats a good tailgate – [Losers With Socks]

Something very strange having to do with New Kids on the Block – [Flabber]

Natalie Martinez is a smoking Cuban – [My Chill Pill]

There are some women who are meant for modeling. There are also some women who are meant to model and be gawked at even when they’re at their worst. Laura Lee was meant for modeling. And I’m sure she’s heard this before.

Laura Lee’s body is paying her bills. It says she’s 98 in her Myspace Profile which to me translates to mid to late 30′s. And to look like that at her age? Pretty amazing. Though I’m not too psyched about her friends.

It just seems too much like a Sex and the City club. You know, a bunch of chicks talking about their periods. wearing baseball caps at baseball games to try and look cute, and remaining single until 45?

No clue if Laura is like this but whatever. Let’s not forget the fact that she is in fact a model, and her model pictures are pretty damned good. Plus, she has a vagina, so that’s cool too.

Remember all the fuss about the Euro 2008 ladies? Yeah well here they are taking it off

What’s up everyone? “Welcome to Today! How y’all feelin? Let me hear some noise in this mothafucka!!! I can’t hear you. All the ladies in the house say “Owwwwww.” All the brothas, All the brothas.” That was my best impression of DJ Cool and the movie House Party combination.

Today’s Twenty

The Euro 2008 Strip Off has Reached the Semi’s – [Zootoday] (NSFW)

The hottest non athletes on the AVP Pro Volleyball tour – [Busted Coverage]

“Tell me how my ass tastes” – [COED Magazine]

Brenda Costa shows a little side boob, and I like that – [Doubleviking]

The Clippers Cheerleaders get a little naughty – [Don Chavez]

Tila Tequila may be weird looking but an upskirt is an upskirt – [Dirty Rotten]

Phone Sex Has come out with a book – [Asylum]

Rod Stewart loves to suck on boobs – [Drunkenstepfather] (NSFW)

New Zealand model Teresa Moore, Damn – [Holy Taco]

The Top 30 Porn Names in Baseball – [Next Round]

Sexy Newlywed Joke – [Bright Black Internet]

Hot Blond gets busy on this escalator – [Flabber]

And the winner is the Myspace hottie! – [Tastybooze]

Lindsay Lohan’s Leg Candids, I’d Hit it – [Cameltap]

Britney Spears bikini candids, I’d hit that too – [NS4W]

Naughty normal chick down to her underwear – [Amateur Chicks] (NSFW)

Wow. Have you seen how hot tennis babe Maria Kirilenko is? – [The Angry T]

The Miss North Carolina Pageant Recap – [Brahsome]

Kim Kardashian at the BET awards (as her ass should be) – [Cuzoogle]

I think you better pay attention to Auburn – [Loser with Socks]

I’m a little frightened by the term “Wicked Awesome.” Then again Brandy’s body is kind of wicked awesome. You know what else is wicked awesome? Porn. Seriously. It’s just great. According to Brandy’s Myspace Profile she’s into “everything.”

Everything includes the shows “Jackass” and “South Park.” Does everything include taking it in the pooper? Does it include doing lots of oily things in weird remote locations? I mean seriously. Being into everything must be hard work.

Brandy also likes books that were turned into movies. Here’s a great book that we will hopefully turn into a movie: Brandy does Brandy

I have absolutely nothing else to say here. I’m completely annoyed with profiles that don’t have much info. Just enjoy the pictures and shut the hell up.