Now how amazing is this twosome?

I literally think that I would ejaculate way before either of these two women even came close to touching me. If either of them even hinted at the words, “I want to have sex” (they wouldn’t even have to say me) I would definitely be a Jason Biggs from American Pie type of guy. But you know what? Who Cares? I’d just try again for 24 hours.

The Twenty
Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh’s Greatest Hits - [Doubleviking]

Robin Meade sure know how to spice up CNN - [Bustedcoverage]

Bree Conden, the word “Boner” can be formed combining letters in her name - [COED Magazine]

I am in love with Jodie Marsh’s cleavage - [Dirty Rotten]

Victoria Silvstedt has a new job - [On205th]

Jessica Biel’s Lesbian power hike -[Drunkenstepfather]

Donna Feldman gives me a woodrow, period - [Cameltap]

Celebrities with Black eyes - [Holy Taco]

Drinking does make you last longer - [Tastybooze]

All I’m going to say is the body of CJ Gibson - [Nextround]

A mess of sloppy fun at Spain’s Tomatina Festival - [Asylum]

Rachel Stevens, what a UK treat - [DJ Mick]

Kid falls out of stands trying to catch a baseball - [Don Chavez]

I would totally plow through Emmy Rossum - [NS4W]

Awwww. Poor P Diddy - [Flabber]

Lola Ponce and her red carpet cleavage - [Celebridiot]

Kim Acourt wins the best new boobs award - [Zootoday] (NSFW)

Ana Ivanovic may have lost but she’s still hot - [Cuzoogle]

Olga Kurylenko is my boner of the day - [Unibrow]

Tamara Sedmak poses for Maxim Germany - [The Beer Goggler]

Alright folks. I’m going to promise to try and keep my composure in this article. I will do the best I can to keep a clear and concise mind while writing this. As you all know Jessica Burciaga is my favorite girl to grace the social network that is Myspace. Her profile, in my opinion, is legendary. Not because it has interesting text or because she has a gazillion friends. No, it’s because of how ridiculously attractive she is. Every time I look at this specimen I like her a bit more and discover new things about her. What, might you ask, have I discovered? Well, I realized that if Jennifer Lopez and Nancy Valen (she was on Baywatch for one season and very hot in the movie Loverboy) had a baby that it would look like Jessica. Take Nancy’s lower half of the face, more skinny body and J-Lo’s upper part of the face and part of the round ass, and you’ve got yourself a winner. The rest of the magic is all Jessica and her Burciaga. What an absolute piece of dynamite.

See what I mean about the Jennifer Lopez thing? You know Marc Anthony wishes he were hitting this, assuming he reads this website. I think making that assumption is pretty fair. Marc Anthony definitely reads this site, no question about it. Now the real question is does Jessica Burciaga read this site? Does she think I’m some pudgy little 18 year sitting at his desk dreaming of Jessie? Pun intended, yes I plugged her little website I Dream of Jessie. On the other hand, what if Jessica knew that I was a strapping 28 year old stud? 6′0, 180 lb sexy, in shape Jewish boy from Long Island who doesn’t have a Long Island accent. What would she do then? I wonder.

Let’s play a game. How much would you pay for the opportunity to put your head exactly where you are all thinking you’d want to put your head? My estimate? 1000 bucks an hour. If I had 20 grand on me? I’d pay 1000 bucks an hour for 19 hours and then blow the last grand on a nice, celebratory dinner with the Burciaganator.

Seriously, should it even be allowed to have girls like this walking around? As you all know she is my hands down pick but if I were to say that anyone was close to her it would have to be Erika Medina. Remember my post on her? I honestly think Erika might actually have Jessica beat in a few areas but overall? You just can’t get any better from the combo of body, face, occupation and overall zest for life that I think Jessica has. Can she please send me a thank you email already? God damnet.

Did I mention I need to kill myself? I can’t believe I kept my composure. Not for long. I just smashed the wall.

More Pictures:

They may look naughty, but they’re really not. Check it out.

Ah yes. The glory of the Olympics. When you can find shots of Volleyballs who look like they’re rubbing a few out, then you know you’ve got a worldwide event worth watching

The Twenty

There would be nothing better than head from Vanessa Hessler - [COED Magazine]

Drunk Phillies fans love BP - [Bustedcoverage]

Elisabetta Gregoraci in a bikini is pretty lethal - [Doubleviking]

One of the best two somes I have ever seen - [Dirty Rotten]

Christina Ricci breast reduction? Why in the world? - [Drunkenstepfather]

Pamela Anderson looking old and busty, and I like it - [Cameltap]

Excellent before they were famous celebrity shots - [Holy Taco]

Michelle Hunziker decided to shower her boobs - [On205th]

The Ultimate Leryn Franco gallery - [DJ Mick]

Since when is Cheerleading not about having fun? - [Don Chavez]

Playboy chick McKenzie Taylor - [NS4W]

Vanessa Minnilo is woodylicious - [Unibrow]

Brande Roderick was the WAG of Wednesday - [Nextround]

Don’t piss off this chick - [Tastybooze]

Show me that ass you Japanese girl you - [Flabber]

Getting sh*tfaced in the bleachers - [Macgsworld]

Remember that reporters are all whores - [Blog of Hilarity]

A funny airline frills spoof - [Bright Black Internet]

Why is Kate Moss so successful? - [Derober]

Even David Beckham gets slammed for looking at ass - [Micklanders]

Alright we’re gonna get this out of the way right now. I love Jessica Jaymes. She has a pure power body. Power means not too skinny, in unbelievable shape, and the tits to back it all up. And trust me, I even like her Myspace Profile as she’s been generous with the pictures.

But Jessica, baby. If you’re gonna learn to swim, you gotta get wet honey (pun intended). Jessica has it all. That face. That look. She even parties hard and practically admits that her job is very easy. But there’s something lacking.

Actually there are two things lacking. Anal and Facial. Enough said. Game, set and match. I’ve seen no evidence of Anal except for fingering? How is this possible? And how can Jessica not take one or two or three to the chin? Come on sweety! Look, I love ya but come on.

This is my pledge. I am engaged, but so help me God if Jessica reads this article I am willing to do a Youtube porn video containing Anal that promises to be the highest hitting video in internet history. You heard it here first.

Um. Hi there. She needs a glass of oil to wipe off the sweat.

I want you to imagine yourself on the beach. Now imagine seeing this chick right in front of you. Imagine there is no one else on the beach but you and her. Is there any scenario you can see other than trying to plant your face directly in the middle of that? Jesus

The Twenty

More of the Betus Bikini Girls - [Bustedcoverage]

The hotties of the 2008 U.S. Open - [COED Magazine]

A Very hot chick in a tong is selling something - [Cameltap]

Can Stacy Keibler get naked already? - [On205th]

Man does Danielle Lloyd make me want to squeeze something - [Doubleviking]

I’ll take anything with Kim Kardashian’s ass - [Dirty Rotten]

I still like Pamela Anderson’s old boobies - [Drunkenstepfather]

A chick in a bikini is by far the best teacher - [Don Chavez]

32D Breasts get plastered for charity (video) - [NS4W]

Tara Reid is flashing us some leg - [DJ Mick]

Jesus Christ Elin Grinemyr’s cleavage - [Nextround]

A nice little shot to the balls - [Tastybooze]

Check out how high this tightrope guy is - [Flabber]

I won’t sleep after seeing this picture - [Banned in Hollywood]

OK maybe this one time spousal abuse is allowed - [Blog of Hilarity]

Padma Lakshmi looking hot in lingerie - [My Chill Pill]

Parents try to ruin a 9-Year-Old’s fun - [The Angry T]

Danielle Lloyd is the boner town hottie - [Unibrow]

This what their breasts should look like - [Derober]

Celebrity hotties bare all - [Zootoday]