Aug 29 2008
Alright folks. I’m going to promise to try and keep my composure in this article. I will do the best I can to keep a clear and concise mind while writing this. As you all know Jessica Burciaga is my favorite girl to grace the social network that is Myspace. Her profile, in my opinion, is legendary. Not because it has interesting text or because she has a gazillion friends. No, it’s because of how ridiculously attractive she is. Every time I look at this specimen I like her a bit more and discover new things about her. What, might you ask, have I discovered? Well, I realized that if Jennifer Lopez and Nancy Valen (she was on Baywatch for one season and very hot in the movie Loverboy) had a baby that it would look like Jessica. Take Nancy’s lower half of the face, more skinny body and J-Lo’s upper part of the face and part of the round ass, and you’ve got yourself a winner. The rest of the magic is all Jessica and her Burciaga. What an absolute piece of dynamite.
See what I mean about the Jennifer Lopez thing? You know Marc Anthony wishes he were hitting this, assuming he reads this website. I think making that assumption is pretty fair. Marc Anthony definitely reads this site, no question about it. Now the real question is does Jessica Burciaga read this site? Does she think I’m some pudgy little 18 year sitting at his desk dreaming of Jessie? Pun intended, yes I plugged her little website I Dream of Jessie. On the other hand, what if Jessica knew that I was a strapping 28 year old stud? 6’0, 180 lb sexy, in shape Jewish boy from Long Island who doesn’t have a Long Island accent. What would she do then? I wonder.
Let’s play a game. How much would you pay for the opportunity to put your head exactly where you are all thinking you’d want to put your head? My estimate? 1000 bucks an hour. If I had 20 grand on me? I’d pay 1000 bucks an hour for 19 hours and then blow the last grand on a nice, celebratory dinner with the Burciaganator.
Seriously, should it even be allowed to have girls like this walking around? As you all know she is my hands down pick but if I were to say that anyone was close to her it would have to be Erika Medina. Remember my post on her? I honestly think Erika might actually have Jessica beat in a few areas but overall? You just can’t get any better from the combo of body, face, occupation and overall zest for life that I think Jessica has. Can she please send me a thank you email already? God damnet.
Did I mention I need to kill myself? I can’t believe I kept my composure. Not for long. I just smashed the wall.