It was a brilliant idea: I’d do an article featuring the best boobs this site has known! It would be a beautiful thing, where breasts and Myspace and readers’ hands would come together like never before.

Five minutes into my research and I hit a round fleshy wall steeped in nipples. Do you know how many great racks are on this site? Sure you do, but I was up to my neck in funtastic mammaries. I decided to narrow it down to simply the BIGGEST boobs. Of course 90% of Myspace girls have oversized jumblees, so I decided not to include girls that were too modely. In other words – no airbrushed boobies.

Even then, singling out the biggest, rawest, veiniest boobs was tough. Plus I’ve got kind of a shitty set of criteria now. Like how did veins get in there? Whatever, I’m tired and there is NO excuse for a boob post having this many words.

May I Present The Best Biggest Boobs of Myspace:

Wendy was one of my very first girls I posted, and nobody forgets a first like this. She’s got one of those boob sets that boggles the mind. Hey, just found another Wendy post.

This is Mandi. She’s crazy. Oh well.

This girl Krystal Lina has issues, but man what a rack.

Nice boobs, sideburns! See more of Amber Campisi.

The alphabet does not apply to boobs like Denise Milani’s.

Our girl Nicole Marie loves the cleavage shots. So does me.

The one on the right is our girl Tainted Desire.

Danielle Mabelle is Asian and has above average breasticles.

Valerie has nice num-nums.

Sophia Rossi has some massive chesticles.

Okay, this one is to kind of throw you (and I apologize if I caught you mid-spank). I don’t need to state the obvious, but Samantha has some of the biggest sweater cows known to man. And no, she’s not particularly attractive. Still, I’d hit it. Fuckin’ rights I would.

Miss Penny Lane sports dairy pillows so big, she once supplied a small Cambodian town with milk for an entire month. True story! I’ve never officially posted this girl, so check out her profile for more pics.

Well, there you have it – the biggest best boobs of Myspace. I’m off to cash in my meal ticket now. Going to sell this list to a local back surgeon. He’s kind of a perv too, so it’s a great match.

As determined by… YOU. Well, you and a WordPress Plugin which showed me the most viewed girls of the year. I considered doing my personal favorite girls, but I started looking through the archives and there was just no way. I’m the worst kind of an asshole – an indecisive one. So without further whatever, let’s meet the 2008 winners:

1.) Cherie Carlson

HGOM readers spoke loud and clear on this one. Cherie Carlson was by far the most masturbated to Myspace girl of 2008. Congratulations Cherie! Feel free to put that title on your resume. I can tell you right now she would not have been my #1 pick, but the numbers don’t lie. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a babe and many a tissue have gone to her cause, but just not number one in my books. Asshole’s are also contrarians you know.

2.) Dream Kelly

Oh, kids do grow up fast don’t they? The picture above is from Dream Kelly’s 2004 collection (she is quite organized). Shortly after this photo, Dream Kelly disappeared into an Easy Bake Oven for four years and…

I kid. She’s actually looking just fine. I don’t know about the hair color, but with a body like that, who fucking cares about hair?

3.) Tricia Cummings

Seriously, you guys are so predictable. Yes this girl’s cute, but she didn’t get this spot strictly for her physicality. It’s the Jesus thing. Not that you picture his face or anything, but you love to think about disrespecting her holier than thou hoo-hoo with your dirty meatstick. And that’s fine.

4.) Jessica Burciaga

This shouldn’t be much of a surprise to anyone. Jessica is our most posted (mosted?) girl in HGOM history. I like very much!

5.) Janis Godlewski

Janis G. is your typical blonde bombshell with over-sized jumblees. Timeless, really. She’ll no doubt make an excellent MILF.

Honorable Mention: Monica Leigh

Monica’s been a huge hit since she was added in late ’07. The best part? There are nude pictures out there, so get on it junior and make sure that Google filter is off (like I need to tell you).

Honorable Mention: Melyssa Grace

There are hot Asian women, and there is Melyssa Grace. Wait, is that…? Yes! I think you can see nipple edges! Thank GOD my bro got me that magnifying glass for Christmas!

A Wankers Retrospective

So there you have it. 2008 was a fine year for wanking and I’m excited for what the New Year will bring. Who was your favorite girl of the year? Here’s a link to the year’s archive, so book the next week off work and I’ll talk to you soon.