Alright folks. I’m going to promise to try and keep my composure in this article. I will do the best I can to keep a clear and concise mind while writing this. As you all know Jessica Burciaga is my favorite girl to grace the social network that is Myspace. Her profile, in my opinion, is legendary. Not because it has interesting text or because she has a gazillion friends. No, it’s because of how ridiculously attractive she is. Every time I look at this specimen I like her a bit more and discover new things about her. What, might you ask, have I discovered? Well, I realized that if Jennifer Lopez and Nancy Valen (she was on Baywatch for one season and very hot in the movie Loverboy) had a baby that it would look like Jessica. Take Nancy’s lower half of the face, more skinny body and J-Lo’s upper part of the face and part of the round ass, and you’ve got yourself a winner. The rest of the magic is all Jessica and her Burciaga. What an absolute piece of dynamite.

See what I mean about the Jennifer Lopez thing? You know Marc Anthony wishes he were hitting this, assuming he reads this website. I think making that assumption is pretty fair. Marc Anthony definitely reads this site, no question about it. Now the real question is does Jessica Burciaga read this site? Does she think I’m some pudgy little 18 year sitting at his desk dreaming of Jessie? Pun intended, yes I plugged her little website I Dream of Jessie. On the other hand, what if Jessica knew that I was a strapping 28 year old stud? 6′0, 180 lb sexy, in shape Jewish boy from Long Island who doesn’t have a Long Island accent. What would she do then? I wonder.

Let’s play a game. How much would you pay for the opportunity to put your head exactly where you are all thinking you’d want to put your head? My estimate? 1000 bucks an hour. If I had 20 grand on me? I’d pay 1000 bucks an hour for 19 hours and then blow the last grand on a nice, celebratory dinner with the Burciaganator.

Seriously, should it even be allowed to have girls like this walking around? As you all know she is my hands down pick but if I were to say that anyone was close to her it would have to be Erika Medina. Remember my post on her? I honestly think Erika might actually have Jessica beat in a few areas but overall? You just can’t get any better from the combo of body, face, occupation and overall zest for life that I think Jessica has. Can she please send me a thank you email already? God damnet.

Did I mention I need to kill myself? I can’t believe I kept my composure. Not for long. I just smashed the wall.

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First of all. Jesus Christ you have to be kidding me. Second of all, you may remember my Kortnie O’Connor post from last week where there was a picture of her next to a Playboy Magazine billboard showing that month’s cover. I then said “Now who the hell is THAT chick on the cover? As soon as I find out, and pending a Myspace profile, she’s getting her ass right on this site pronto.” Well sure enough that very day our friend Jay sent me her Myspace Profile as well as a terrific gallery of her (for those interested in nudity). Let me just say that I couldn’t be happier and yet more frustrated to be posting Monica today. Ah yes, if you hadn’t had enough of her I’ve taken the liberty of doing a Monica Leigh Google Image Search. Good god.

I never thought I’d say this but I think Monica may have dethroned Jessica Burciaga. Perhaps someday Jessica will wise up and have a spread in Playboy, but I’m not talking about Playboy. Even with clothes on I think Monica may best my current pick for Hottest Girl of Myspace. Well, in the first picture of this post, she actually kind of looks like Burciaga only bustier. I think that Burciaga still has more of a kick ass type of lifestyle. She does the nightclub go-go dancing thing and looks like an all around party girl. Monica might be too busy being hot. It’s a very tough call and I’m going to lose a lot of sleep and semen over this. By the way, Monica is from Long Island? That can’t be true. And Shirley Long Island of all places? I’ve been to Shirley once and I felt like I was in rural Arkansas. If Monica walked in a pile of pig poop barefoot and told me to lick it off I would gladly do so for a shot at holding her hand on a crowded street with lots of dudes being jealous.

I wonder what it’d be like to have dinner with her. How does she eat? What would we talk about? Monica, you’ll have to forgive me because if we do in fact end up going to dinner in like the next few days or so, I may not be able to pay attention to you at all. It’s not that I wouldn’t be interested or at least pretend to be interested in all of the lovely conversation…it’s just that you are so unbelievably hot that it would be nearly impossible for me to stop thinking about how hot you are and how much of the man I am for being able to coax you into going to dinner with me.

There are only two types of photographers that can possibly withstand a photo shoot with Monica. Gay guys and straight women. Even so though, the gay guys might turn heterosexual and the straight women might turn lesbian. She’s that hot.

See the little indent there down on her crotch? Yup, that’s her vagina folks. That thing is worth more than Golden Idols in most foreign countries. I really need to get some air. That was one tough task writing this without actually diddling myself.

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I would honestly like to say that I think someone else will come along to take her crown. However, if you want my honest opinion I just don’t think that’s possible. The fact that I had to take two of her posts down is simply a crime and I will be sure to keep posting Jessica Burciaga from time to time. I’ve been to I Dream of Jessie and while I think it’s blasphemy to have to actually join the site to NOT see naked pictures, she’s just sensational. She does keep her Myspace Profile updated so you can also see new pictures of her there.

While this picture may be dark, I really don’t give a rat’s ass. Seriously just look at that body. Burciaga is the perfect blend of sweetness, hotness, sex appeal, you name it. I mean the spectrum is completely endless. If she wanted to she could give me some cute look and I’d literally be “lost in her eyes” while completely falling head over heels for her. On the other hand, she could put on those furry boots and make me ejaculate without even moving. It’s really amazing. Here’s the only other post I have on her. I will be making plenty more.

Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry but anyone who argues against Jessica Burciaga being the hottest girl of Myspace (hey! I said my title!) really, truly has to come up with some compelling arguments. If someone does argue? I’m pretty sure my response will be “did you see her boots in the football picture? you lose.”

I’m actually laughing out loud at how hot she is. I admit it, I fully admit it. There’s absolutely zero chance I could handle being with a girl like this. I would not be comfortable…..ever. I’d either be jizzing myself 24/7 or I’d be constantly racking my brain to make her happy. Do you realize that there’s a good probability that some dude A. Had sex with her and B. Actually said mean things to her? Amazing.

See what I mean about the dirty stuff? Man, that was just to prove a point and I think point is well taken. If I don’t write tomorrow it’s because I’ve killed myself.