There’s a couple of things I took from the Ninja Barbie profile. The first one. She has tremendous cans. The second? What in God’s name is she hanging out with skinny tattooed dudes for?

What you’re telling me is that some really skinny EMO, Goth or whatever the fuck term you want to use, guy gets to put his skinny, greased up probably tattooed flaccid penis between her tits on a daily basis and I get to sit home and write this drivel?

I guess that sounds about right. Perhaps I should get a tribal earring and pierce a hole the size of my butt crack in my upper lip. Would that help me land more blond chicks with huge bombs?

Help me out Ninja girl. Cop me a clue here. Do I sew my ass cheeks together? Is that a cool new alternative look I didn’t know about? Just help me sweetie. Help me out. Please.

Vagina!