Lucky for her, my Royal Treatment can usually be cleared up with a pill taken daily for two weeks. The Peruvian Princess is what they call her. Wait, who calls her that? How the hell should I know. It’s probably one of those nicknames that she either coined herself or had some douche PR guy do. Nicknames are supposed to be funny. I can’t see one of her friends coming up with it and everybody high-fiving to its awesomeness. “OMG, she is totally like a Princess from Peru!” Plus it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I actually quite like her real name - Jackie Mendoza.

So what else do we know? Well, she comes from Peru the country right? WRONG! It’s Peru, California you dummy. Okay, that’s fine… at least if she’s from CA she likes to party right? WRONG! From her Myspace profile: “I’m not much of a party girl, I love to stay home watch a movie, order take out, and cuddle with that special someone.” Well that’s lame.

At just 5 feet 2 inches and just over 100 pounds, I doubt the Peruvian Princess could even handle my king shlong, so I probably won’t bother contacting her.

And the rest of the Peruvian Princess Pictures: