It’s been a while since I’ve posted any adult stars on here. And why not get back into the fray with a woman that I think encompasses my “claws on her vagina” theory? I mean just look at her face. So dangerous. So willing.

Lisa Ann embodies that seductive “I’m going to rip your penis to shreds” kind of look. For all I know she might be the sweetest person in the entire world. Still, that look and having seen her “in action” was not a bad basis for this theory.

Lisa appears in tons of MILF movies these days…I assume because she’s older than 35. Can you even imagine this woman being your mother. I couldn’t. How bad would high school be if you were a guy. Every single person would want to be your friend, but not really.

I’m just glad she has a Myspace Profile so I could put her up here. In any event enjoy looking at this piece of work and feel free to check out her “other work” as well.

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I think I’ve already stated something along the lines of “if you have an amazing body or more to the point tits, you can go very far in life.” And while it’s my contention that there are plenty of women out there that are more attractive than Sandee (and plenty of women who are less), there still has to be a quality and an effort to become famous and successful. What that effort is? Well, besides putting up a Myspace Profile, you might want to start posing nude. That always helps. And if that goes OK but then the attention on you starts to fade? Don’t just pose nude. Show your vagina in a close up, starting inserting things, get a great tag line like “Playboy Model Gone Bad.” You see that? And then poof, you have a great career on your hands. I swear I should just become gay, wear a weird hat, take a camera around NYC, start interviewing people like a kook and then I’d become the next Gay Anchor for Access Hollywood. It really couldn’t be all that hard (pun intended).

You know what’s a little annoying though? You’d think that “Playboy Model Gone Bad” might mean a turn to hardcore stuff. I mean sure, any woman can stick her hand down her pants. Any woman can kiss another woman while naked. But will we ever see Sandee with like 6 guys and things going on to multiple parts of her? I just don’t see it. So until that day I’m waiting for the real “gone bad” girl. Sandee, you disappoint me. I also think that without makeup Sandee might scare the living crap out of me. Something tells me behind all that gloss there’s a none too pleasant appearance. I tried finding a non made up picture but had no success.

By the way, in case you care and in case you feel like spending 25 bucks a month for very lightweight porn you can visit Sandee’s Website. Man I really wish she reads this and gives me an interview. Can I do that with this site? Dare I change this site around and make it haven for aspiring models or skin flick chicks? I’m not so sure Mrs. Landers would approve of this. “Hi Honey, how was your “interview” with Jessica Burciaga.” My response (while in the bathroom): “Um….ahh….oh…..ah…give me a minute dear.”

That’s the picture where her face really gives me the willies. Granted my eyes go right down to the cameltoe but whatever.

Ready to get a little naughty.

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Wait a second fellas, you didn’t think she had a real PhD did you? Lexxi is so funny! She has a PhD in Men. Hahahaha. I personally think Lexxi has a PhD in not doing things hardcore enough, but maybe I haven’t been to the lost tapes that got her into the industry. You know, those tapes that have her doing things against her will with a filthy director who says “you’ll be a star, I promise, now just do this line and let me use my fist and…” well you guys know the rest. In case you are wondering and in case her Myspace Profile doesn’t give off the hint, Lexxi isn’t a normal “lady.” She likes ladies, she’s does things with ladies, and men. She’s an adult entertainer. Let’s talk about that PhD some more though.

Did I say something about a PhD? I must have been distracted by some underpants slippage. Seriously though. There’s gotta be at least one porn star out there who actually has a PhD right? I wonder if my Google adsense is going to have PhD ads now that I’m putting the term “PhD” so often in this article. What do you think that porn star who has this degree does? Are they better at the sex? Do they mess with all the fluids and try and have experiments? Are they at least trying to help find a cure for AIDS? Seriously. There’s definitely one PhD’er in there and I want to know who it is.

What is it about girls in the adult film world that think guys like this are hot? Every single time I see one of these girls on Myspace they have a picture with some freakish dudes and the caption always says something like “found these two hotties in the hotel.” What do you mean hotties? I don’t understand. I supposed if spiking your hair 3 feet, bleaching it, wearing a gay watch and doing meth for 6 hours is considered hot then Lexxi and her other industry friends may have a point. Are the girls just so delusional that all the drugs and facials have gotten to their brains?

I really don’t have any comments for this one. One thing I can say is that it’s been while since we had any porn stars up here and I think it might be time for a top 10 porn stars on Myspace. Let me know guys. I’ll set it up.

Jesus Christ Bill Maher, get some! I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a picture like this of Bill Maher in all of my life. I hope someone drugged him that night, though I’m pretty sure he drugged himself pretty good.

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Let’s say you take an average girl. I truly mean nothing more than average. Let’s say you create a Myspace Profile (that had nothing to do with this little scenario). Let us say that average girl is somehow in some way upset with her life. Maybe she’s being treated poorly by her parents or has a substance abuse problem. Maybe she’s just not getting attention. So instead of going out there and learning or paying for school, she decides to fast track it right into the adult industry. Now I know nothing about Kinzie Kenner. I don’t particularly think she’s hot but to me? She’s a prime example of a perfect transformation. I don’t have any old pictures on this post but here’s a link to her when she started out. As you can see she had little itty bitty boobs and just looked like a run of the mill chick you’d see in a bar. Now?

Gee I wonder what’s going to happen here. Now? Now Kinsey has some hidden D’s under there. Looks like she’s really found a home in the adult world. Amazing too. You see her walking down the street 5 years ago and you think nothing of it. Now? If you even follow porn remotely you’ve probably heard her name. I’m sure Kinzie is currently in the “they’re my family, they treat me so well!” kind of mode. She just bought the implants and is getting real roles. Just a matter of time before she’s spit on and becomes a coke addict. Here’s some stuff of her now.

Strap on the white boots, the ass up in the air pose and poof you have a new star. Plus, I didn’t see much of it but I did manage to see a shoot of her where she did anal. To me, that’s a sign you have really committed yourself to this business. Way to go Kinzie. I hope I can penetrate that ass someday. She’s not even good looking! And yet they all have this power over me. I’m a sex addict, there I said it.

This happens to be a shot that I find relatively repulsive. The amount of makeup in this picture could easily take care of about 3,000 feminists having to attend a Presidential gala. That’s Sophia on the right. She’s about as entrenched in the dirty world of porn as anybody. I’ve seen her take two in the shoot and get her face glazed by about 12 dudes. It doesn’t get any more committed than that. But she’s nasty and not attractive. 20 bucks says she’s around for a very long time. Kinzie still has time to back out.

Whoa Whoa Whoa. Let’s not fight here people. Just take off your pants and we’ll start blowing this complete stranger here who has a penis that would make most men cry and will destroy any porn watchers perception of how big a penis is really supposed to be.

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Let’s get something very clear here. I’m not, in any way saying that I wouldn’t be completely elated if Amy came up to me in a bar and said something along the lines of “let’s go back to my place and you could put it anywhere.” I’m simply saying that I don’t get all the hoopla surrounding this woman. Yes, her body is amazing. Yes, she might even be all natural up there which means God specifically chose her to do movies where 12 guys take turns making her face look like a glazed donut. Look, she’s got the body but fellas, her face? I’m sorry Amy Reid but come on! I would seriously be pretty scared to wake up next to this woman. First of all she looks pretty busted even with makeup let alone without it. Again, no discounting her body but I need something with a face, anything. I get nothing here. She’s got some nice “clean” shots on her Myspace Profile though. For some of the unclean stuff you can check out Freeones.

NOT good looking. Let’s examine what I look for in a skin flick shall we? To me, we all jerk off in various ways. One day it could be an anal day, another could be a facial day. We, as men have our quirks and our special desires for those 2 minutes we are performing our duty. To me? There just has to be some quality in the woman that makes it worth while. I mean I’ve masturbated to some pretty nasty looking girls but they all had a quality, be it the amount of dudes they took on, some of the flexibility involved, whatever. Amy Reid? Sure she’s got the body but maybe I’m just so desensitized at this point that she just doesn’t make it to my DVD player all that often.

What’s my real goal in writing this poor review? That somehow Amy gets a hold of it and gives me a visit to get me to change my mind about all of this. In all seriousness though I’m just not into her. I guess if I tried really really hard I could get into the tattoo she has on her right arm. There’s something sexy about a tattoo in a raunchy kind of way. I think I shall write an article about tattoos soon. Yes, that is a good idea.

I won’t ever in this lifetime deny that that body is an all out 10. Her face might be a negative 6 in this picture though. What the hell is going on there? It’s just too hard to figure out. Is it all the makeup that’s screwing it up? Does she have acne we don’t know about? Seriously I’d rather jerk off to a real pretty chubby girl with giant guns who really knew how to handle a black dude.

Alright Amy. The challenge is on. I dare you to come and prove me wrong.

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