Yup. Sure. Have you guys seen this stuff on myspace? Well, Sonja’s Profile is one of about a gazillion profiles that contains this quote. So basically you’re telling me there’s this underground lesbian club that’s just full of adventurous, incredibly hot, well bodied, freaks? No, lesbians are mannish, do manly things, practically have facial hair and buzzcuts. They talk in a low voice. You see, in the real world, lesbians don’t look like Sonja here. But we, as men (and women) can keep dreaming for this utopia.

Ok so she doesn’t have big breasts. Alrighty then, she isn’t the prettiest of the bunch (although she’s quite good looking). A few things: Her Tan, her body being “natural” looking and three, she’s not American. Let’s keep the 3rd one in mind. This girl might even be a German Goo Girl (site is disgusting, just a warning) for all I know. Wow, the sick shit those gals do. Makes me thank the heavens that there might be a God.

That’s what they do in Europe, didn’t you know that? That’s actually a shot after Sunday mass. Fucked up man.

Jesus Christ. Man is that a jerk off worthy leg shot if I ever saw one. None will ever compare to Stealth Icon but this is pretty close.

I know. I know. You’re thinking it’s cool that a chick drinks a glass of beer that big. It’s urine though. And some of you sick fucks are turned on by that aren’t you?

Hi! Look at my Tushy! You can put things in it if you’d like!

Email to me this morning: “Ok i was having a really bad week and ur site is just what i needed. i never read bulletins and just so happened to today and saw that ms pirate hooker had posted about ur site and what u had to say about her. so i thought id take a look and ended up reading ur view on pretty much everyone haha holy shit good stuff. it was nice to get a good laugh. anyways i have to at least ask if u will rate my myspace on that note. if not thats cool but check it out and tell me what u think lol www.myspace.com/shanel51186

And how did I know this email came from a pornstar? Presleymaddox@gmail.com . I happened to respond to her email with, “I gotta think about it, what’ll you do for me in return?” Well, I’ll be honest with you all, she has said she’d give me a blowjob. I’m taking you up on that Presley. She’s unfortunately leaving porn. However, without further adieu, I present Presley “Sperm Cocktail, normal looking but does dirty things” Maddox.

P.S. – She is a perfect example of how just any girl on the street who is slightly better than average, is put in slutty gear, loads of makeup and in a room with 6 penises, can really wet my whistle and make my slinger want to sling. Presley, you are 100% fuckable.

Now, this is one of your classic douchebag pictures right? Well, yes, of course it is. But do you know who the chick to the right is? Yeah, that’s Eva Angelina. If you don’t know who she is then you simply don’t jerk off…..at all. By the way, if you guys want to see Presley perform this will keep you busy for a while.

I hope you guys know why I put this picture up. One reason. She DOESN’T look that good there. She looks like your normal, typical party girl who gets drunk on the beach and you have really awkward sex with. The one where you tell your buddies the next day just so you could say you had a story to tell. Now only if you knew she was like THIS…..

You see, then you’d REALLY have a story.

You see how I did that? We went from Jersey Trash to…..”man what I’d do to her” in about 5 seconds. Presley you owe me at least an opportunity for a facial. I’d take a reverse cowgirl anal though. Thanks darlin.

Presley’s undies and sox. Priceless. I had to thumbnail this so you could see the whole thing otherwise Presley is split in half. And whoever that is to the left, I’d take a blowjob if she wanted to give me one. But only if she wanted to. Otherwise what kind of man would I be? The kind that shoves black gags in girls mouths? Well….

Presley, seriously. If you don’t fuck me after this write up I’m deleting it and I’m telling everyone what a whore you are. Damnet! Ok, I’m telling everyone your private phone number once you give it to me.

I needed a break from the Jersey, NY trash stuff. I just wanted to post a woman who, in my estimation, defines the word “trooper” in the porn industry. Obviously her Myspace Page doesn’t nearly do justice to the amount of pictures that display her abilities, but let’s just use these pictures as a nice primer for things you can expect out of her.

You can only imagine what happens after the schoolgirl uniform thing. You see, it’s not that Jenna is so much hotter than all the rest of the pornstars out there, she’s not. BUT, I don’t look for hotness (I mean obviously a little) in a pornstar. I look for things that they are willing to do, limits (and holes) they are willing to stretch. Jenna? She takes it to the limit and goes above and beyond. Take Chasey Lain for example. She was smoking but she just laid there and it sucked. Ashlyn Gere on the other hand? Woman was in a different dimension half the time.

Cocaine, meth, crack, weed, shrooms, acid, you name it, she’s probably on it.

I just hope that it was 5 black dudes that put her in the corner of that room. Looks like another episode of “Gangland.” One wrong turn and you’ll end up in……………….GANGLAND.

Um. Yeah. Hi.

I think this picture says it all don’t you?

Whoops, my bad, I think this one does.

Well, I found another batch of Myspace females that simply amaze me. These two profiles are 100% fake. I have no question in my mind that these girls are webcam girls or something of the like. Nevertheless I swear, their faces are fucking golden. And Belushi, more blonds buddy!

“Heyy my name is Veronica, and i just started modeling for Victoria Secret…yeaa thats right bitchess im a lingerie model!..im 21 i like to have a good time goingg clubbingg,partyingg,beachingg it, andd modelingg for youu ..im up to meet anybody so just leave me a message and ill definetly writee back!” At least Veronica knows how to dictate properly. I’m also quite sure that a legit Victoria’s secret model would have as crappy and poopy a Myspace Profile as she would. Again, does any of this really matter? Obviously not as she is one of the better looking women we’ve had on here. Fuck an A.

I mean should I subscribe to Victoria’s secret now? Look at how her lip is sort of open there. Great work by the photographer. Is it even remotely possible to be a straight photographer for any type of porn magazine or swimsuit catalog and NOT splooge all over yourself during a shoot? Along the same lines, don’t actors HAVE to get woodroe’s when they do sex scenes? I mean seriously, when Antonio Banderas had to fake fuck Salma Hayek in Desperado, wasn’t he hard? Must have been. Any heterosexual would have to be right?

That brings us to Sarah and here’s her quote on her Myspace Page. “hey whats up???? my name is Sarah and i am a pron star!!! i love to just hang out with all my friends and play with them (if you know what i mean lol) well if you wana talk to me or get to know me then add me or mes. me!!!! ~Sarah this is me……..” How the FUCK does the porn industry get girls this hot? I mean I know this is yet another fake ass profile but still. Are there THAT many abused young women who have nothing to turn to other than getting cummed on by five guys, taking in the pooper and defiling themselves for my amusement? Look at how good looking this chick is, come on! And by the way, PRON star? Jesus age Christ.

Now that picture I like. These two ladies can come over and greet me anytime. Again, I’m still baffled at how hot some of these porn women are. I truly don’t get it. Just go out and marry a fucking rich guy! How hard could that be? At least then you can just have affairs, have unlimited money, stay hot forever and not have to live with the emotional and literal scarring of 18 inch monstercocks. God help us.